Pull On Your Poop Kickers And Get To Work

THE LIFE OF A GOAT "FARMER". WHAT IS IT LIKE?

 I compare it to taking care of 32 human toddlers. Everyone is pooping, screaming, jumping, putting things in their mouths, and getting their heads stuck in things they shouldn't. That about sums it up. Today, I thought I'd walk you through my normal routine. Although, I don't think that "normal" is a good word to use. Maybe you can come up with a better adjective for me after reading this.

IS THAT THE ROOSTER I HEAR CROWING?

It's just like living in a fairy tale. I awaken to hear the gentle chirps of the bluebirds outside my window, followed by the gentle crow of the rooster down the road. LIES! At any given moment, at least one of our girls is in heat and she wants the world to know it. So, instead of awakening to "cock-a-doodle-doo", I wake up to "BLAAAHAAAWWWWWWW!!!!!" I usually roll out of bed between 6 and 6:30. I used to head straight outside and feed the critters before I even had my first cup of coffee, but now that I'm a full-time farmer, I hit the coffee and breakfast bar before I head outside. The goats don't approve, but they get over it.

CAN YOU FEEL THE LOVE?

I open the back door and say "GOOD MORNING, GOATIES!!!". In unison, the herd shouts back their greetings, usually including a few goat curse words since you know it took me so long to get out there. I head straight for the "Peppercorns" grain troughs, to put them in the kidding area. They get to eat by themselves since they hate all of the goat drama. I'm always greeted by at least 3 critters. Tank and Thor are always the first to come see me. They sit patiently why I put the troughs in the holders. Then it's an ear scratching for the two of them. And then there's Shasta, my little shadow, always looking for a peanut. She always has to greet me in her own goat loving way.

FEED US

It's chow time! I grab the 5 gallon bucket of grain out of the barn and head to the common area gate. I'm greeted by old faithful, Shortie Baby. She always needs a quick hoof scratching and then follows that up with trying to pry the lid off of the 5 gallon bucket. And yes, she has succeeded in the past. Then the race is on!!!! My 5 gallon bucket and I make the 50 yard dash across the common area, to the chow area. Only once have I biffed it while sprinting across the yard, and yes, it hurt. Imagine me laying in a sea of grain while being swarmed by a herd of goats who have discovered this free-for-all breakfast. I've now made it to the chow area, with 3 goats on my heels. The 3 Amigoats(Milly, Vinny, and Ziggy) are always the first 3 through the gate. Then it's time for me to get the other underdogs in. They're mostly trained by now, so in files Tootie, Stella, Belle, Rosie, Fluff, Shasta, Poppy, Sunflower, and sometimes Cookie and Polly. I always have a few trying to sneak in with the underdogs, so I'm fast.....like a panther. Watch out!!! I stop them in their tracks and continue escorting the little guys in. Once the underdogs are in, the gate is closed, and the feeding frenzy begins. According to the goats, I'm way too slow with the scooper, but what do they know? They all swear the best tasting stuff comes straight out of the scoop, so they try to push my hand out of the way, usually sending grain flying everywhere. After a few minutes of dishing out breakfast, I let the little guys finish up, then the gate is opened......STAMPEDE!!!!! They can't eat fast enough. They hop from trough to trough because they swear the better tasting grain has to be somewhere else. I kick it into high gear and run and lock the dogs in the center pasture because they will join in on chow time if given the opportunity. Then it's off to the "Peppercorns"! The 4 of them(Pepper, Olivia, CeCe, and Lucy) all greet me in the kidding area. I quickly fill their troughs and run up to shut the kidding area gate. But wait! Here comes Molly. She doesn't want to eat with all of those whackadoodles in the chow area, so I serve her a bowl full of grain in a Cool-Whip container that I just happen to have on me. Chow time is a crazy time. Definitely not for the faint at heart.

RAKE RAKE BABY

One of my least favorite chores is next......cleanup. I spend at least a half hour to an hour raking every morning. I go around and rake up all of the hay that the goats have selfishly left on the ground and then gather up all of the nanny berries that everyone has politely left behind for me. I've asked them many times to poop in a pile, but I'm still waiting for that to happen. Rake, rake, rake, pet Stella, rake, rake, rake, pet Poppy, rake, rake, rake, pet Dottie. Chores are so much better when you love the ones around you, but there is one thing that makes me pull my hair out. MUD! You can't rake mud. And mud mixed with poo equals "moo". A muddy muddy moo mix. We deal with mud all winter long. You have no idea how thankful I am when the temps drop and the ground freezes. Yay for frozen mud!!!!! Get back to work, Jessi. Rake, rake, rake, check their hay supply, check their minerals, check their water level, and love on anyone who needs some loving. And then I spot him......from across the common area.....our eyes meet. "Good morning, Will Pill." And he comes running across the yard to see me. About 3 feet before he gets to me, his tail starts wagging just like a dog, he gets so excited to see me. I scratch his back and butt, and he rubs his head up and down my leg. I've always said he's just petting me back. I'm distracted again...get to work. Rake between their huts, rake by the barn, everything is in nice neat piles now. I turn around, and all 29 goats are simultaneously pooping on their way to the hay feeders, and my nicely raked paths are poo covered already. My OCD kicks in, and I run to rake the new treasures into a pile. Done. Let the "Peppercorns" out of the kidding area, collect their troughs(if I don't, the guardian dogs will eat them), then it's off to wipe out the troughs in the chow area. I always have a handful of stragglers looking for every last spec of grain. It's usually Rose, Fluff, Molly, and Pepper. As I'm wiping the feeders clean, these stragglers are giving me death glares because they swear I'm wasting all of the good stuff. Then the fun part, trying to get everyone out of the chow area. Sometimes all I have to do is say "come on, ladies", and they'll all filter out, but usually it's me running around with crazy arms "trying" to flush everybody out. Gate shut. Thank goatness.

VROOM VROOM

It's an art......getting the ATV into the common area, to pick up my piles of hay and nanny berries. I have a couple shadows that will sit and wait for me at the gate, so I have to go and pretend like I'm doing something in the barn, so they'll scatter. Then I'm running again!!!!(I'm surprised I'm not skinnier with all of this running) Throw the gate open, hop on the ATV, and haul butt to the first pile of hay. But wait....Stella and Belle are eating my hay pile. Do you know how hard it is to pitchfork a pile of hay when the goats think you're stealing their stash? I give them a couple quick pets, then scoot them on their way. One pile cleaned up. Wait! Lilly is ramming the tires on the ATV! A quick "thanks" to Lilly, then a rev of the engine, and she's out of there!  Next pile, please. Glorious.....Alba has made the next pile into her nest. Big pregnant girls don't like being told what to do, if you didn't know that. So, after a good back scratching and a boost, she's on her way. Second pile is up, now it's off to the others. Oh crud, the wagon is full. That means I've gotta leave the goats' area and run to the compost area and do the whole thing again. This is exhausting. After an hour of cleaning up, I'm done! And I'm just going to pretend like I don't see that pile I missed over by the tree. It can wait until tonight. Oh yeah....don't forget to let the dogs back up. Yep. I've forgotten them back there before, just to realize it as soon as I got inside. Put the coat and hat back on and run back out to save the dogs.

THAT'S IT?

That's it...for me. Farmer Josh takes care of the boys, feeding all of the dogs, and the hay situation every morning. There are lots of other things I do throughout the week, just not daily. Things like filling mineral, pooper scooping dog treasures(yes, we even pooper scoop on the farm), splitting firewood, fixing fencing, painting, cleaning bowls, so on and so forth. The list is never ending. So, what about evening chores? We'll save those for another day. You thought it was crazy in the mornings. And kidding season........thank goatness Farmer Riley is here for part of the season, to help me out. It's a lot of work. We'll get into that some other time, too. It'll be more like a book than a blog, though.

IS IT WORTH IT?

All of the work is so worth it. It's not actually work if you love what you're doing, so I'm lucky to be doing what I love. Those goats have so much love to share, you can't help but be in a good mood when you're out there. I'm the lucky one. I sure hope you've enjoyed this glimpse into my daily morning chores. I'm tired just typing it out. Yawwwwwn.